Doing more and thinking/contemplating less is part of the way. Actions speak louder than words.
The masters have all mentioned that time will not wait for me and I need to plan my future, make a goal/vow of what to make of myself, what my reason for living is. The human body has a limit, and I'm nearing the peak before my capabilities begin to slow down, at least with average people. I need to find a specialty, something to really focus and accel in, something that will bring great agility to Buddhism and myself. I can take some time to write out a plan, a goal, so that I can read it and remind myself everyday. It can be very simple at first, like the Medicine Buddha Sutra's vows, then later expound and expand on it.
Buddhism is also about making the right connections between signs and events. Chanting mantras as practice is very beneficial, especially with the right mantra. ChunTi mantra is supposedly for success, and the Grand Master apparently chanted it for years before starting any monastery. That's part of the reason for his current success. The merits from chanting can also be applied to other uses too, like the Medicine Buddha Bhaisajya Guru mantra is mainly for health and secure living. We should do so and dedicate the merits to family and friends that are not so lucky to know the Buddha Dharma, such as popo, dad, APA, and coworkers. Chanting and plain reading aloud sutras is also a very good practice. It gets you familiar with Buddhist words and phrases, and brings great merit, because you're practicing saying very compassionate and wise words and phrases. This will, in a way, leak into your regular speech patterns, and with enough awareness, will move you along the Way quickly.
Supporting mantras can also be forwarded through items, like beads and 5-color bracelets. In Taiwan, a group of very dedicated disciples chanted the Bhaisajya Guru Mantra while making very intricate bracelets for MJL to bring to American disciples. The way MJL explained, I was moved to the verge of tears. They have such faith in the power of mantras, why can't we all? After all, it is all in the mind, the power of things and people. If you believe it is powerful enough, and you are single minded enough, anything in the sutras is possible.
I need to really surround myself with fellow Buddhists and spiritualists to keep my mind on track and to really find my true self. I can find local, older Buddhists, who have followed the Dharma for many a year, or I can spend more time at ZCS and hang around the younger monks. Though everyone has been through their teenage years, searching years, they have a better recollection. And I can't really take much more time of MJH, as he is apparently the abbot of 2 centers now, with other translation projects and classes to take deal with on the side. My time and beliefs also need some changing to accord myself with the Great Bodhisattva Way. Find ways to remind myself of the 3 Refuges, returning to and relying on the Tripitaka.

Tags: buddhism, change, mantra, superstition
Current Mood: anxious

I really want to improve myself, to be hard working, to be tolerant of most anything, and most of all, to be able to carry on a meaningful conversation, control a conversation. MJL can speak very well in many tongues, has many stories to tell. I envy that. What I wish to do is to be able to influence people into improving themselves. I want to show them that Buddhism isn't mystical or hard at all, it's simple, flexible, and truth at it's best. Most of all, I want to make it American. What we see now is mostly Chinese or Taiwanese, and Americans seem afraid and/or curious about it. Sometimes it turns people away because it's too much of a culture shock. That will not do, and I'm willing to sacrifice my face to show the monks that they cannot continue as such for too much longer. Buddhism needs to be adapted to suite the ways of Americans, not the other way around. MJL know much of this: expecting us to every whim of the master, giving in to pressure to be a volunteer and give out time as soon as we are introduced to Buddhism. The people of the zen center really need to speak more English otherwise it will never get enough English speaking volunteers as they are afraid that they're being fun of, of not being part of the family, of not belonging, and so on so forth.

Tags: change, culture-shock, volunteerwork

so i was out of home all from saturday through tuesday, at Ston's. Bert was also over. i got them really close to really liking crocheting and knitting (refer to previous entry). I am just remembering that gramma has a big-ol stash of knitting needles that she doesn't use anymore that i'd like to inherit.
Meanwhile, Bert is also kinda becoming something different. And apparently so have I. Both, not for the best. I kinda feel a bit sad about that. In both respects. I have become less of the sweet spiritual azn boi that everyone loved. I'm kinda beginning to become a bit like Ston. I've lost my patience, compassion, sensitivity, wisdom/caring words. Ina mentioned that I think Thurs at work. I'm also not the only one getting tired of Bert. Ike is annoyed at him for complaining, Ston has given him a 2 weeks notice to move out. We're all giving him hints and job notices, but he doesn't want to do anything. I think he might become a boitoi for some sugardaddy. There's so much in life to enjoy, but he just seems into his music and hookups. I worry for him, but i know I cannot do much.
Ike also seems irritated these few days. No talking, no sharing of crazy ideas. Tomhai is really cool, though his english could stand for improvement. Ike says he's gotten better.
The new years party at Ston's was pretty good, only one guy got seriously drunk. We counted down to Ston's laptop at like 3 different speeds. crazy
Other news, i need to get my school books.
And I want to see if Dad is willing to stop renting out his spare room so Chris can have a space to call his own. Where he can put all his crap in, and seclude himself whenever he wants.

Tags: change, new years, people
Current Mood: nostalgic