so it's my 3rd day as a personal assistant to this founder of some non-profit organizations, and already i've clocked about 25 hrs or so. and still, there's so much to do. organization, because he travels and was out of town for the last 2.5 months and his other people can't organize or respect his stuff for shits.
besides that, my main point is to tell this story:
so you've hooked up with someone, thinks he's cool, have never wanted to commit to a relationship but still want to be friends with him. you bring him along to hang out with your friends, and one of your friends hooks up with him. No big deal right? afterall, you aren't official, boyfriends, fuckbuddies, restricted friends with benefits, lovers, dedicated, and whatnot, right? not so, says one of my friends. he hooks up with people like a few times a week, and never keeps one for more than 2 weeks. and he doesn't want any of his friends messing around with his new friends. I mean, his only friends are those he's messed around with! seriously, there's some weird tendencies for this guy who calls himself open-minded. overly possessive, doesn't even consider any of his friend's advice or input at all. the nerve. his clouded mind is seriously causing him damage.
I now see a flaw in gay society; we're waaaaaay too focused on sex; getting it, and also the general societal view of sex and relationships.

i need to erect a tablet for him. oh, and for boss and his father.

Tags: arrogance, busy, friends, sex, work
Current Mood: sore

there's still something that i'm not addressing in my attempt at honesty of emotions. lately i've been very productive in doing things that i thought would make me feel like i'm doing something: organizing my shelves, cleaning the menagerie of scrap paper off the floors, balancing my budget, reading, blogging about stuff i'm doing, doing the stuff i'm blogging about. but there's still something missing, and it's taking tightening my heart as the sun sets and i'm feeling drowsiness set in for the night.
today i reconciled my financial program to my bank statement that i just got yesterday. the 14 shelves that i have are better organized with categories, and i'm getting to the point where i know where stuff is, and the most used stuff is within arms reach. buddha, i sound so much like a housewife or a bitchy woman. i still have some stuff on the bed to shelve away or stack somewhere, and i'm only about 50% through the random papers stacked neatly in piles on the floor in right in front of the TV. speaking of which, i want to rearrange; because i don't have a proper sofa or TV lounge/chair, i sit on the floor or some pillows. the tatami helps elevate me 2.5 inches off the floor, soon to be 5 inches as i stack them together to make more floor space, but it's still uncomfortable looking up to the tv. also, my linux computer is hooked up to the tv, and i want to integrate it into the media shelf, that i got from the best place on earth The Container Store, eventually. i have really nice tatami floor and pergo floors, but they're just not shown.
in any event, isn't there some sort of emotional IQ development program or something that can get me more in touch with my feelings? buddhism has taught me to "let go" of emotions and "be in the now", but somehow i think i'm taking that as "deny emotions from fully surfacing" and "don't think about consequences". damn twisted. i don't have the patience to learn for myself, i like to be told things, but i know that also takes a mental toll on my friends. they shouldn't have to tell me everything about myself, and i should learn to think for myself. instead of looking inside for answers, i turn outward and become busy to hide everything that's happening inside me.
ok i'll end this blog here, and start another for feelings.

Tags: busy, cleaning, dust, organization
Current Mood: annoyed