Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, there it went again. Why can't these blogs automatically save? I just clicked a wrong button and lost EVERYTHING!!!!! AAAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 30 minutes of tedious mind picking and typing. Has anyone suggested automatic save?

So, am I really such a drama queen? Am I really that transparent? I guess it comes in a package: skinny ass bitch :-(

I finally got myself to break it off with my BF, though with a lot more flare than I cared for. Wednesday came around, I drive in and met him at our usual spot, but this time, I cried in his arms. The pain and the yearning was too much to bear, and I just let myself out and teared up for about 20 minutes. I asked for some advice on how to deal with loneliness, and promised I'd try them out. His deal was like a meditation, on our future and the happiness that is to come. I honestly did try that for a few days, but it didn't work out for me. The more I think about something, the more I want it. I'm not really good at controlling emotions, so it got overwhelming for me.

Saturday I helped dad continue repainting, then we went to some sort of social event in Chinatown SF, where the main theme was the new branch of CCSF, whose land is trying to be lobbied away by Hilton Hotel, the bitches. Like they don't have enough international property already. Lowly moderate ABC food, though fun, cuz there was definately eye-candy. Did I mention it was a primarily Asian banquet? Whew, there was also a performance by an amateur trio, cute young boys with OK voicings. There was another guy I think i've seen before on DL. If I was more outgoing, I'd have went up to him and asked how he was and blantantly say "haven't I seen you somewhere, like DL" and out him right then and there..... naw, I don't do that. yet.

Sunday rolls around, and best friend Ant gets us to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Fabulous! to say the least. Now to backup that statement with watching the first one. Then we have lunch, and get drunk, yay! :)

Monday comes, I work, Ant gets me to join the gym, i go to dance class, where some of us stay after for a little bit and practice the day's routine addition. The teacher praises me for my movement skills and encourages me to try figuring out some moves on my own, and going to Mission Dance, or whatever it's called. Apparently there's a good hiphop support there.

Tuesday morning I finally get to writing that letter of breakup to John, my bf. This was before my first workout with Ant and the new gym membership. On my way out, I get a text message, and lo and behold it's him, asking what went wrong and to explain myself. I reply some, i can't remember with what, and ends it with although he was really looking forward to spending Wednesday with me, he guesses he'll just be crying the whole day. I feel really bad breaking it off with him, because he is what I want, but I not the whole package. I need someone willing to sometimes go out of their way for me, and someone who is a good conversationalist, who can make me feel good and feels good doing it. and someone who gets hard enough to penetrate my tight defenses..... multiple meanings intended..... or is that pun intended......

Wednesday I spend a good amount of time checking and clearing up my financial confusion. Turns out I'm using like $300+ per month on magazine club payments. Damn those telemarketers and "we need to close the account that you have with us"... what account?!?! fuck you *click* that's what I should be doing... naw, i'll just be nice and say "thankx but I'm all set, how was your day?". that's what's gonna get me introuble. hahaha.

well now, look at the time. I gotta go to work now. damn, i was gonna take a shower, but I guess now I gotta go all stinky like. :P

PS. shit I just realized there is an autosave..... damn!

Tags: autosave, breakup, crying, dance, drama, money, praise, re-post, telemarketing
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