wow so what to say after today?

thurs i want to his club. i think i covered that already.

Fri was also a day off, so I had lunch with and hung out with christina and albert. i misplaced my wallet at the bank around noon while cashing my paycheck, and the rest of the day was just helter skelter. the buddhism youth group, and it was really good. a crush talked with us a bit, and giggled when he talked to me. *swoon* new classmates, and karen was great. i was gonna go to dragon that night, but though better of it because of class the next morning, which i ended up late for anyways.
we had a quiz. she took attendance towards the end of class, so there wasn't much point in rushing to get there early. afterwards i want home and did some cleanup, and went through and punched in a lot of my finances. oi the outcome was scary and surprising. i wasn't completed all the statement input/reconciliation, so i don't have a monthly report printed out. i'm not really sure i want to at this point. a card has been calling me to collect the debt, but i'm still a little bit off the mark, so i really hesitate to return the call. i join andee to have indian food at gaylords in embarcadero. really really good, around the same as naan&curry, but so much better and more variety and better service. then home to sleep with a really really full stomach. well, he slept, and i tried to set up printing on my linux to the HP connected to my windows which isn't connected or set up correctly so nothing was printing. i think the port is reported incorrectly or something. it did work like a few months ago.
this morning i do find myself awake at around 730, but go back to sleep and wake up with him around 1030. we walk to his car in richmond district and he drives me around berkeley. we have intermezzo, a place with really big salads and really good sandwiches. we go laptop shopping because he really has to change to digital djing now that the nation's biggest record distributor has shut down. we don't get anything, but discover that best buy is really cheap, because compusa is closing out and even with 20-30% off it's comparable to BB. he doesn't get one, but has a really good idea of what to get. pre-dinner with some of his dj friends, 2 really cute, one a marathoner and cute happa, then truantly arrive at antonio's for mad gab and drinks. a great game, but some of them just couldn't make words out. christina got some sort of deck of cards with conversation starters, and while some were really revealing, others just made me really uncomfortable because of past, and setting me up to do things i'm not yet comfortable doing (at least in terms of a relationship). andee drank a bit too much, but was still kinda ok.
about the conversations, some were personal histories and comparisons of each of us. i don't know if andee was joking about "most surprising place for sex" or "most romantic time", but i feel inadequate again. i don't know if i can really be the one andee needs right now. he can give and talk, and i can listen and be there for him, but i can't really do anything. i don't have creativity to capture his heart and make him feel good. as much as i read, i can't figure out the human heart and spontaneity. maybe with some ideas, that at first i'll doubt and feel really embarrassed to do, i can the creative juices flowing, but now i feel like a lost kitten that just sits and listens and looks pretty while incapable of being a loving partner.
I don't know. maybe i'm just thinking too much about this. and my financial situation is really surprising for the both of us, not just my credit card debt, but my magazine club subscriptions. i really need to take care of my life, while in the meantime enjoying it. how can i strike such a balance?

Tags: berkeley, food, inadequacy, shopping, weekend
Current Mood: pessimistic